I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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