i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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