Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
