My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
