There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
