Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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