Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
