Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
