so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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