only if we run a train.
done.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
