i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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