I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
