This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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