you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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