Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
