pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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