i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
