I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
