You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
