Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
