her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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