I met the friendliest cop last night
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
