I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
