New low: just hacked my moms facebook
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
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