i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
