Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
