my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
