and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
