We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
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Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
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Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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