I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
