dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
