idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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