She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
