she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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