we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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