god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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