Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
