Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
birth control should be required to get into college
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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