OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
