I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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