I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
