Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
youre lurking in front of me
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
