dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I have fence marks all over my body
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
