I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
