I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
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drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
did i walk over a car last night?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
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I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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