The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
