'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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