I cannot find my penis.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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