No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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