I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize
