so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
two words...techno handjob
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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