maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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