there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
