I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
