there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
