dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
