Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
