I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
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