you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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