Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
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Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
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