Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The uberlube is also flammable
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
