he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
They have beer where we have blood.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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