I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
