she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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