I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
