she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
