ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.