I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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