Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
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I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
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We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.