i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This is classic penis vs brain.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge