I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..