i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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