i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
