I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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