i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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