she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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