I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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