I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We left an ass print on the piano.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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