just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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