i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
