is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
