I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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